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Working out is my drug. I don't party every night, I don't get wasted, I don't pop bottles, I work out. I push my body to its limit, then I push harder. I blast my music, I sweat, I ache. I love pain and I hate skinny. I don't bother you. Don't judge me. You can have the clubs and the flashy life, I'll take the darkness of the gym. All day. Every day.
I woke up this morning for three minutes. I rolled out of bed, put on my slippers, and stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. That was all I could take. I went back to sleep. I didn't go back to bed, I just wenr back to sleep. I slept all day. I sleep most days. I'm asleep when I get to school, asleep when I'm telling the barista which form of caffeine I prefer. It never wakes me up, but I spend $ 3.50 on it anyway. I'm asleep when my professors are talking, asleep when I go to the store to pick up milk. Sometimes I wake up but it's terrifying so I go back to sleep right away. I want to wake up. I want to have a reason to wake up. But it's so much effort and for what? I will brush my teeth before they are clean enough to never brush again. I eat lunch and wonder how much more I will have to eat until I'm full enough to never eat again. It's easy to sleep through routine; I guess that's why I stay here. I wish I could be done with this life so I could finally sleep properly.
I know that I don't own you,
and perhaps I never will,
so my anger when you're with her,
I have no right to feel.

I know that you don't owe me,
and I shouldn't ask for more;
I shouldn't feel so let down,
all the times when you don't call.

What I feel, I shouldn't show you,
so when you're around I won't;
I know I have no right to feel it -
but it doesn't mean I don't.
You know when you're sitting in a train and you look out the window and everything is passing you by so quickly and it's all a blur and it's weird because you're so still but everything outside is moving so fast. That's how I feel right now. I feel like I'm stuck in a train forever not moving anywhere, forever stuck in one spot while everyone around me is moving so fast. They're going places and making plans and doing actual things with their life and I'm just stuck here, in this same spot unable to move forward.
Like sunlight and sunset, we appear and disappear. We are so important to some, but we are just passing through.
Angol nyelvű,
No time. Tired. Sore. Dirty workout clothes. Blisters. It's too hot. Don't like sweating. Too many bags to carry. I'll eat less today. Hard day at work. Need a break. Great day at work. Need a reward. Just one day off.
Excuses will always be there for you.
Opportunity won't.
Angol nyelvű,
You don't know me.
You don't know anything about me. You don't know what I am made of or just how much I am capable of. You don't know where I've come from nor where I'm heading. You know nothing of my highs or my lows. You don't know how fast I am, how strong I am, how resilient I am. You haven't got a clue what breakfast cereal I eat, what fragrance I wear or who I'm dating. You don't even know my name.
But you will.
Angol nyelvű,
- My dad never went to college, so it was real important that I go.
- Sounds familiar.
- So I graduate, I call him up long distance, I say "Dad, now what?" He says, "Get a job."
- Same here.
- Now I'm 25, make my yearly call again. I say Dad, "Now what?" He says, "I don't know, get married."
- I can't get married, I'm a 30 year old boy.
Angol nyelvű,
A want a tattoo. I want a few more holes in my ears. I want to travel the world, and I want to wear a dress even if I am not going anywhere special. I want to walk around barefoot in the grass every night of every summer for the rest of my life. I want to be tall enough to kiss the stars, but small enough to crawl in bed and stay there for days. I want to read tons of books, but I want to stay out late sometimes. I want to make mistakes. I want to spend a whole speaking another language. I want to write a book that no one is ever going to read but I want to love it with everything I have. I want to write letters that I am never going to send and I want to keep them under my bed until I forget about them. I want to start over a few times before I get it right. I want to accept my imperfections. I want to dye my hair two different colors and I want to paint my nails the color of the sea. I want to let myself be angry and I want to let msyelf be sad. I want to drive around for the sole reason that I felt like going for a drive. I want to stand on top of the rocks in Central Park and remember what it felt like to stand there for the very first time. I want to write it all down. I want to live the way I want to.
Élet,
One day baby, we'll be old
Oh baby, we'll be old
And think of all the stories
That we could have told

No more tears, my heart is dry
I don't laugh and I don't cry
I don't think about you all the time
But when I do - I wonder why

 

 

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