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One of the hardest parts of life is deciding whether to walk away or try harder.
Working out is my drug. I don't party every night, I don't get wasted, I don't pop bottles, I work out. I push my body to its limit, then I push harder. I blast my music, I sweat, I ache. I love pain and I hate skinny. I don't bother you. Don't judge me. You can have the clubs and the flashy life, I'll take the darkness of the gym. All day. Every day.
I woke up this morning for three minutes. I rolled out of bed, put on my slippers, and stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. That was all I could take. I went back to sleep. I didn't go back to bed, I just wenr back to sleep. I slept all day. I sleep most days. I'm asleep when I get to school, asleep when I'm telling the barista which form of caffeine I prefer. It never wakes me up, but I spend $ 3.50 on it anyway. I'm asleep when my professors are talking, asleep when I go to the store to pick up milk. Sometimes I wake up but it's terrifying so I go back to sleep right away. I want to wake up. I want to have a reason to wake up. But it's so much effort and for what? I will brush my teeth before they are clean enough to never brush again. I eat lunch and wonder how much more I will have to eat until I'm full enough to never eat again. It's easy to sleep through routine; I guess that's why I stay here. I wish I could be done with this life so I could finally sleep properly.
You know when you're sitting in a train and you look out the window and everything is passing you by so quickly and it's all a blur and it's weird because you're so still but everything outside is moving so fast. That's how I feel right now. I feel like I'm stuck in a train forever not moving anywhere, forever stuck in one spot while everyone around me is moving so fast. They're going places and making plans and doing actual things with their life and I'm just stuck here, in this same spot unable to move forward.
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living,
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
A want a tattoo. I want a few more holes in my ears. I want to travel the world, and I want to wear a dress even if I am not going anywhere special. I want to walk around barefoot in the grass every night of every summer for the rest of my life. I want to be tall enough to kiss the stars, but small enough to crawl in bed and stay there for days. I want to read tons of books, but I want to stay out late sometimes. I want to make mistakes. I want to spend a whole speaking another language. I want to write a book that no one is ever going to read but I want to love it with everything I have. I want to write letters that I am never going to send and I want to keep them under my bed until I forget about them. I want to start over a few times before I get it right. I want to accept my imperfections. I want to dye my hair two different colors and I want to paint my nails the color of the sea. I want to let myself be angry and I want to let msyelf be sad. I want to drive around for the sole reason that I felt like going for a drive. I want to stand on top of the rocks in Central Park and remember what it felt like to stand there for the very first time. I want to write it all down. I want to live the way I want to.
Élet,
Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground. When protection meant a helmet. When the worst thing you could get from a boy were cooties. Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and mom was your hero. Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. The only drug you knew was cough medicine. The only thing that hurt you were skinned knees. And goodbyes only meant for tomorrow. Life was so simple and carefree.
Life is mlaningless without love...

Az élet szeretet nélkül értelmetlen...
I just have to say one thing and it's really important that you just listen to me. I just... It doesn't feel like this, this thing is gonna go away, it's always there. I can't... I can't get on with my life.
Angol nyelvű,
I wrote a song for you today while I was sitting in my room,
I jumped up on my bed today and played it on a broom.
I didn't think that it would be a song that you would hear,
But when I played it in my head, I made you reappear.
I wrote a video for it and I acted out each part,
Then I took your picture out and taped it to my heart.
I've taped it to my heart dear girl, I've taped you to my heart,
And if you pull away from me you'll tear my life apart.
Film, Angol nyelvű,

 

 

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